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damkiannaI think my growth as a person is making it harder and harder for me to care about my thesis.
... Yeah, I know, but it's totally true! I feel like in the last year, maybe two, I've started to like myself more than I used to; or at least feel more comfortable being myself than I used to. I was really obsessive about grades for a long time, because I used to feel like if my grades were bad, that was because they were a manifestation of a fundamental flaw somewhere in me. But I feel less and less like that now - which has somehow translated itself into a severe case of not caring at all whether I earn College Honors for my thesis or not. D: Oops.
Also, I have totally turned ridiculous over my collection of Avatar five-things fics, aka March of the Dead Moms - it has turned into thirty things, half of which are about women who don't even have names in canon. \o? idek. I feel so silly; the show is ... well, okay, probably above average for children's television, but it sometimes hurts me to watch it. And yet there is so much potential for awesomeness, I can't stop prodding it.
... I realize the juxtaposition of these things is highly suspicious. Yes, it is a lot more fun to plot Avatar fic than it is to work on my thesis, but that's only a secondary factor, I swear. I did the last five-things before break, and I have viciously quashed all urges to write since then, because - well, I'm indifferent to the act of finishing my thesis, as noted, but I feel like I ought to at least give it some effort.
(I think that if I were in grad school, these things would not be issues; but doing an undergraduate thesis that works the way this one does - it has no effect on my degree, has no effect on my ability to graduate, and probably won't affect my chances of getting into grad school the way it might for, say, B, who's a history major - is starting to feel like a truly massive waste of time. Doing the interviews was good for me, and fascinating, during the brief snatches of time when I was able to get over the mind-numbing terror; but the analysis is incredibly tedious, and just doesn't feel important enough, either to my life or to anyone else, to be worth it.)
... Yeah, I know, but it's totally true! I feel like in the last year, maybe two, I've started to like myself more than I used to; or at least feel more comfortable being myself than I used to. I was really obsessive about grades for a long time, because I used to feel like if my grades were bad, that was because they were a manifestation of a fundamental flaw somewhere in me. But I feel less and less like that now - which has somehow translated itself into a severe case of not caring at all whether I earn College Honors for my thesis or not. D: Oops.
Also, I have totally turned ridiculous over my collection of Avatar five-things fics, aka March of the Dead Moms - it has turned into thirty things, half of which are about women who don't even have names in canon. \o? idek. I feel so silly; the show is ... well, okay, probably above average for children's television, but it sometimes hurts me to watch it. And yet there is so much potential for awesomeness, I can't stop prodding it.
... I realize the juxtaposition of these things is highly suspicious. Yes, it is a lot more fun to plot Avatar fic than it is to work on my thesis, but that's only a secondary factor, I swear. I did the last five-things before break, and I have viciously quashed all urges to write since then, because - well, I'm indifferent to the act of finishing my thesis, as noted, but I feel like I ought to at least give it some effort.
(I think that if I were in grad school, these things would not be issues; but doing an undergraduate thesis that works the way this one does - it has no effect on my degree, has no effect on my ability to graduate, and probably won't affect my chances of getting into grad school the way it might for, say, B, who's a history major - is starting to feel like a truly massive waste of time. Doing the interviews was good for me, and fascinating, during the brief snatches of time when I was able to get over the mind-numbing terror; but the analysis is incredibly tedious, and just doesn't feel important enough, either to my life or to anyone else, to be worth it.)
