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Two movies!
Since I just saw New Moon for the second time, and then finally gave in to curiosity and watched 300 on TNT, I guess I might as well record all the teal deer that came to me while I was watching.
Let me preface this by saying that I do not actually hate the Twilight franchise. Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
cleolinda, I consider them essentially twinkies for the mind; as long as you have the self-awareness to realize that there's ... not much redeeming value in there, and pretty much no good advice on how to manage relationships, then knock yourself out. I confess that I worry a little for people who don't understand the meta-level squick that is present, or actually do let Twilight shape their expectations about relationships, but I hope they're in the minority; and if you think it's a good idea to cut your neck open and offer Robert Pattinson your blood, I'm tempted to say you fell out of touch with reality long before you came into contact with Twilight.
Anyway, New Moon. The first time I saw it, I went with B, Br, AT, and several other people from school, and spent pretty much the whole thing chuckling into B's shoulder - except for every time Jacob came onscreen, at which point it switched to B clutching my arm and murmuring, "Take your shirt off, take your shirt off, come on ..." The second time, I was next to M, and we spent the whole thing murmuring back and forth about all the things that annoyed us. :D
Every time Edward and Bella talked to each other, I wanted to burst out laughing; the lines they had to say were just so STUPID, you could practically see Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's eyes screaming. I was surprised by just how hugely I preferred Jacob and Bella's conversations - they were significantly less wrought with TRUE LOVE and ANGUISH, and so they came off as a lot more real, and even moderately touching in spots. Even putting Jacob's marvelous abs aside for a moment, I have to admit that I prefer him immensely to Edward. He has an actual sense of humor! He has other friends besides Bella! He and Bella actually spend time together, and talk to each other about stuff other than TRUE LOVE and ANGUISH! He doesn't break into Bella's room when she's not there/unconscious! (I can't believe I even have to put that forward as a factor for comparison. Oh, Twilight.) Come on!
It was fun to see tiny!clone!Jack O'Neill, aka Luke Girardi, and Jessica was actually kind of awesome, especially when she pointed out to Bella that she was being stupid (not that Bella listened, natch). And Charlie is my absolute favorite ever. I could not figure out what the hell was going on with Victoria - she was the villain of the first ... half? three-quarters? Where did she go? What? - but her hair was gorgeous; I could watch her run through the woods all day.
There are probably treatises out there on all of the sexism issues in Twilight, so I don't think I have to try to delve into that; but I will say that one of the things that bothers me the most about Meyer's changes to the vampire/werewolf legends is the options for self-defence that they take away from Bella. Because these vampires are impervious to sunlight/crosses/holy water, and these werewolves are unbothered by silver, Bella literally can't do anything but hope she gets rescued whenever she gets into trouble. She can't even make the smallest attempt to take care of herself, because Meyer has removed all of the standard ways and refused to create any new ones. (Well, okay, there's still fire, so I guess Bella is partly to blame for not carrying a lighter on her person.) I find that really obnoxious.
And, of course, in addition to the sexism, well ... I actually like Jacob in-universe, for the most part, even though Edward's massive jerkitude tends to infect him whenever they're in the same scene, and I also like werewolves more than vampires (mostly because they aren't DEAD - srsly, how is a walking dead body appealing?). So in a shallow sense, I'm actually kind of glad Jacob is a werewolf. But on a meta-level, it squicks me royally to have the white guy be the stereotypically more refined monster - complete with a culturally highbrow council in Italy! - and also the white chick's real true love, while the brown guy is the one who transforms into an enormous animal, gets called things like "dog" and "mutt", and can never be more than a devoted protector. And, of course, the evil vampires in this movie were Laurent, who is black, and Victoria, who is a womanwith deeply gorgeous hair. Win, Twilight. Win.
It was fun to watch purely for the lulz, but if I start thinking about the meta, it makes me itch to rewrite the books - not as fic, just for myself, so I could read something silly and fluffy that wouldn't annoy me if I thought about it too hard. The Twilight franchise is a bunch of brain-twinkies, sure; but some twinkies are crappier than others.
The highlight of the movie was definitely seeing the Sherlock Holmes preview that showed beforehand. I seriously faint with joy every time I see ads for that movie, and I am going to see it the day it comes out, and then possibly a couple more times.
300 is pretty much a brain-twinkie, too, now that I think about it. I wasn't going into it expecting much more than a couple of good lines and a chance to stare admiringly at Lena Headey, David Wenham, and a lot of guys in leather underwear, and that was pretty much what I got. I knew the basics of the story beforehand, and a lot of the things they added were ridiculously predictable, so it actually wasn't much of a problem that the satellite for the TV was having reception issues; even with the screen blacking out for a little while every other minute, I could still follow what was going on.
It really, really embraced the tropes it was working with, all out - it was a little like reading an Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars book, except bloodier, and with overtones that were possibly even more racist/sexist. The flying blood spatters were ... kind of hilarious. It was definitely transparently obvious that source material was a graphic novel. The narration was also pretty hilarious; the visuals of white men pinning Persians down with their feet and coolly impaling them, or casually tossing their dead bodies into a pile, or killing dozens whom both narration and visuals have explicitly marked as inhuman monsters, somewhat less so - even given that the narration, and the whole movie, are pretty explicitly marked themselves as the subjective account of a Spartan.
I suspect it would have been a reasonably enjoyable brain-candy kind of movie (New Moon with more death, like) if I could have ignored all of the unpleasant subtext, but ... I don't know - there's a difference between a text that's flawed in some respects but still lovable, and a text where every single second is stuffed with implications that are really kind of vile when you unpack them (the facelessness of the Persians, who, when they are not hugely misshapen, are usually masked or have cloth face coverings and are thus almost indistinguishable - except for Xerxes, who is impressively glam and has fabulous eye makeup; the physical unfitness of the Spartan traitor; and so on).
The only saving grace of the whole thing is the emphasis on spine-tingling levels of valor - I will always love the "fight in the shade" exchange - and even that is tainted by the implication that said spine-tingling levels are attainable only by extremely buff, physically fit white warrior-men who don't wear jewelry and quite possibly never display any emotion but valor.
Well, okay, it had two saving graces: some poignant moments of courage, and Lena Headey, whose lovely Queen Gorgo got to kill a complete jackass and say some wonderful lines. (Most of the rape scene was cut by the interference of the weather, so I can't comment on that part.)
Overall, the "it's a subjective account from a Spartan!" line of reasoning will only excuse so much. I mean, there's plenty of media about Thermopylae from the Spartan point of view; did you really need to make more? And one that so dedicatedly turned the Persians into one-note, literally monstrous villains? Really? And it was a particular shame that Queen Gorgo was the only woman with basically any role at all. I was under the impression that Spartan women actually had a modicum of rights and privileges, and a revamp of the stand at Thermopylae would have been a pretty good opportunity to do something cool with that - instead of tying the extraordinariness of Spartan women to their ability to bear manly sons, which, of course, is what they did. Sigh.
... So, weirdly, I have practically the same complaints about both movies; to me, they actually kind of fall into the same category. New Moon was emotional porn; 300 was bravery porn. They both had the same kind of single-minded focus plus implications regarding race and gender that ranged from vaguely to seriously uncomfortable, and for me, that equals ... something I might watch if it happened to be on, so that I could yell at the TV, and not much else.
Let me preface this by saying that I do not actually hate the Twilight franchise. Thanks to
cleolinda, I consider them essentially twinkies for the mind; as long as you have the self-awareness to realize that there's ... not much redeeming value in there, and pretty much no good advice on how to manage relationships, then knock yourself out. I confess that I worry a little for people who don't understand the meta-level squick that is present, or actually do let Twilight shape their expectations about relationships, but I hope they're in the minority; and if you think it's a good idea to cut your neck open and offer Robert Pattinson your blood, I'm tempted to say you fell out of touch with reality long before you came into contact with Twilight.Anyway, New Moon. The first time I saw it, I went with B, Br, AT, and several other people from school, and spent pretty much the whole thing chuckling into B's shoulder - except for every time Jacob came onscreen, at which point it switched to B clutching my arm and murmuring, "Take your shirt off, take your shirt off, come on ..." The second time, I was next to M, and we spent the whole thing murmuring back and forth about all the things that annoyed us. :D
Every time Edward and Bella talked to each other, I wanted to burst out laughing; the lines they had to say were just so STUPID, you could practically see Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's eyes screaming. I was surprised by just how hugely I preferred Jacob and Bella's conversations - they were significantly less wrought with TRUE LOVE and ANGUISH, and so they came off as a lot more real, and even moderately touching in spots. Even putting Jacob's marvelous abs aside for a moment, I have to admit that I prefer him immensely to Edward. He has an actual sense of humor! He has other friends besides Bella! He and Bella actually spend time together, and talk to each other about stuff other than TRUE LOVE and ANGUISH! He doesn't break into Bella's room when she's not there/unconscious! (I can't believe I even have to put that forward as a factor for comparison. Oh, Twilight.) Come on!
It was fun to see tiny!clone!Jack O'Neill, aka Luke Girardi, and Jessica was actually kind of awesome, especially when she pointed out to Bella that she was being stupid (not that Bella listened, natch). And Charlie is my absolute favorite ever. I could not figure out what the hell was going on with Victoria - she was the villain of the first ... half? three-quarters? Where did she go? What? - but her hair was gorgeous; I could watch her run through the woods all day.
There are probably treatises out there on all of the sexism issues in Twilight, so I don't think I have to try to delve into that; but I will say that one of the things that bothers me the most about Meyer's changes to the vampire/werewolf legends is the options for self-defence that they take away from Bella. Because these vampires are impervious to sunlight/crosses/holy water, and these werewolves are unbothered by silver, Bella literally can't do anything but hope she gets rescued whenever she gets into trouble. She can't even make the smallest attempt to take care of herself, because Meyer has removed all of the standard ways and refused to create any new ones. (Well, okay, there's still fire, so I guess Bella is partly to blame for not carrying a lighter on her person.) I find that really obnoxious.
And, of course, in addition to the sexism, well ... I actually like Jacob in-universe, for the most part, even though Edward's massive jerkitude tends to infect him whenever they're in the same scene, and I also like werewolves more than vampires (mostly because they aren't DEAD - srsly, how is a walking dead body appealing?). So in a shallow sense, I'm actually kind of glad Jacob is a werewolf. But on a meta-level, it squicks me royally to have the white guy be the stereotypically more refined monster - complete with a culturally highbrow council in Italy! - and also the white chick's real true love, while the brown guy is the one who transforms into an enormous animal, gets called things like "dog" and "mutt", and can never be more than a devoted protector. And, of course, the evil vampires in this movie were Laurent, who is black, and Victoria, who is a woman
It was fun to watch purely for the lulz, but if I start thinking about the meta, it makes me itch to rewrite the books - not as fic, just for myself, so I could read something silly and fluffy that wouldn't annoy me if I thought about it too hard. The Twilight franchise is a bunch of brain-twinkies, sure; but some twinkies are crappier than others.
The highlight of the movie was definitely seeing the Sherlock Holmes preview that showed beforehand. I seriously faint with joy every time I see ads for that movie, and I am going to see it the day it comes out, and then possibly a couple more times.
300 is pretty much a brain-twinkie, too, now that I think about it. I wasn't going into it expecting much more than a couple of good lines and a chance to stare admiringly at Lena Headey, David Wenham, and a lot of guys in leather underwear, and that was pretty much what I got. I knew the basics of the story beforehand, and a lot of the things they added were ridiculously predictable, so it actually wasn't much of a problem that the satellite for the TV was having reception issues; even with the screen blacking out for a little while every other minute, I could still follow what was going on.
It really, really embraced the tropes it was working with, all out - it was a little like reading an Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars book, except bloodier, and with overtones that were possibly even more racist/sexist. The flying blood spatters were ... kind of hilarious. It was definitely transparently obvious that source material was a graphic novel. The narration was also pretty hilarious; the visuals of white men pinning Persians down with their feet and coolly impaling them, or casually tossing their dead bodies into a pile, or killing dozens whom both narration and visuals have explicitly marked as inhuman monsters, somewhat less so - even given that the narration, and the whole movie, are pretty explicitly marked themselves as the subjective account of a Spartan.
I suspect it would have been a reasonably enjoyable brain-candy kind of movie (New Moon with more death, like) if I could have ignored all of the unpleasant subtext, but ... I don't know - there's a difference between a text that's flawed in some respects but still lovable, and a text where every single second is stuffed with implications that are really kind of vile when you unpack them (the facelessness of the Persians, who, when they are not hugely misshapen, are usually masked or have cloth face coverings and are thus almost indistinguishable - except for Xerxes, who is impressively glam and has fabulous eye makeup; the physical unfitness of the Spartan traitor; and so on).
The only saving grace of the whole thing is the emphasis on spine-tingling levels of valor - I will always love the "fight in the shade" exchange - and even that is tainted by the implication that said spine-tingling levels are attainable only by extremely buff, physically fit white warrior-men who don't wear jewelry and quite possibly never display any emotion but valor.
Well, okay, it had two saving graces: some poignant moments of courage, and Lena Headey, whose lovely Queen Gorgo got to kill a complete jackass and say some wonderful lines. (Most of the rape scene was cut by the interference of the weather, so I can't comment on that part.)
Overall, the "it's a subjective account from a Spartan!" line of reasoning will only excuse so much. I mean, there's plenty of media about Thermopylae from the Spartan point of view; did you really need to make more? And one that so dedicatedly turned the Persians into one-note, literally monstrous villains? Really? And it was a particular shame that Queen Gorgo was the only woman with basically any role at all. I was under the impression that Spartan women actually had a modicum of rights and privileges, and a revamp of the stand at Thermopylae would have been a pretty good opportunity to do something cool with that - instead of tying the extraordinariness of Spartan women to their ability to bear manly sons, which, of course, is what they did. Sigh.
... So, weirdly, I have practically the same complaints about both movies; to me, they actually kind of fall into the same category. New Moon was emotional porn; 300 was bravery porn. They both had the same kind of single-minded focus plus implications regarding race and gender that ranged from vaguely to seriously uncomfortable, and for me, that equals ... something I might watch if it happened to be on, so that I could yell at the TV, and not much else.